You know the type. Someone comes to you with a problem and you give it proper thought. You say what you would do, maybe even check in a few days later. Then you discover they did the opposite, or nothing at all, and now they are back with the same problem in a slightly different outfit.
That is an ask-hole. It is slang for someone who keeps asking for advice but never really plans to use it. Most of the time they are not looking for guidance. They want an audience, or a nod that confirms they are right to feel the way they do.
It is easy to get irritated, and the irritation is fair, because your time and thought went into it. But irritation does not change anything, so it helps to have a few things ready.
Start with how much you are willing to give. If the same person keeps returning without acting, you are allowed to say so. Something like, “I am happy to help you think this through, but I cannot keep putting in the time if the advice never goes anywhere.” Said calmly, it is a boundary, not an accusation.
You can also give less. You do not owe anyone a full solution every time. Pick one or two things that would make the biggest difference and leave the rest. If they do nothing with two suggestions, they would have done nothing with ten.
Sometimes the person genuinely has not noticed the pattern. Ask them what they plan to do with what you just said. It is a simple question, but it makes them say the next step out loud, and people find it harder to ignore a plan they spoke themselves.
If none of that lands, be honest. Tell them, kindly, that you have noticed you keep going round in circles and that it is starting to wear on you. You could ask, “Help me understand what is getting in the way?” You may hear something real. It might also be the first time anyone has said it to them plainly.
And if nothing changes after all that, you are free to step back. Advice that is not valued does not have to keep flowing. Put your energy into the people who listen, argue with you, and actually try things. Those are the conversations worth having over teh tarik.
