Lord of the Banks – Return of the Loan… Part II

“Kadang2 macam kana salai jua rasanya…” – Anonymous

Dear Valued Customer,

It has come to our attention that you are applying for financing facilities from another financial institution which means that you will cease to use our facilities. We have found that quite a large number of our customers are doing to same thing for some reason.

After some thorough consideration by our learned management, it has been decided that rather than come up with a better product and trying to woo you to stay, we will be making your transition as painful as possible.

Firstly, the issuance of certificate of balance, which used to be B$10.00 will now be increased to B$100.00. The management has been advised that this is the best way to make the customer pay for even contemplating switching banks. It sure beats thinking of new and creative products.

In the event you do decide to go ahead and switch banks anyway, the clearance letter (which basically is a prisoner transfer form that says that you are now free from our shackles and the competitor bank can now put their brand new shackles around you) will now be B$500.00.(Do the math here, say there are 1,000 of you abandoning us, that’s a cool half million bucks you are giving us as a parting gift. Nice eh?) We are doing this simply because…. well frankly, because we can, and there isn’t a thing the regulators can do about it! This is our way of making sure the customer pays and pays!

On a final note, while we do regret that you have decided to terminate your facilities with us, we hope there are no hard feelings that we skinned FLEECED you for that final time. If one fine day, in due course, we do decide to come up with a better value product, we do hope that you will consider coming back to us. After all, we are the bank that makes you pay…

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri,

Maaf Dzahir dan Batin.